I recently began watching The Big Bang Theory – a TV show about a group of Asperger’s people. They are charming and delightful, and act as I would like to. Everyone seems to accept them. In my world, this isn’t the case. I can’t make up a lengthy list of rules and get the world to buy-in to them.

In the world of business, where I have been living for 30 years, there are different sorts of rules than ones I easily comply with: Multinationals with silos, so purchase orders have to go to 6 countries (really) before I can get paid months later; People who promise to call on Tuesday but never do; Colleagues that stop speaking to me for nothing I can discern – but obviously something I”ve done or not done as great ‘friends’ disappear; Prospects that think I talk too much (I’m sure I do). Each hour of each day is fraught with land mines I must maneuver – all well outside of my comfort zone or capability. Visiionaries, though, have been kind. As the mainstream comes in to adopt my concepts, the path is more difficult for me.

Wherever I turn I am hit between the eyes of being a round peg in a square hole. I can see the world from where I stand, but it operates with rules that make no sense to me – and the ones I”ve adapted are useful merely a portion of the time, when I remember to use them. Otherwise, it’s all confusing, annoying, undecipherable, or inane. It’s soo much safer when I’m alone.

WHAT TO DO WITH CREATIVITY

My biggest problem is my highly creative mind. Since I was a girl, I”ve studied systems and decision making, and have spent my life developing ideas and models far ahead of conventional science. I have patents, trademarks, and copyrights. I develop technology around decision making and decision making games, and marketing automation concepts and new sales paradigms. I have made most of them into money-making entities through grit and good friends (plus the ideas are pretty good).

But the work would be so much more successful and reach a much wider audience if I didn’t turn off so many people with my annoyance, or my demanding/pushy nature. If I could do nothing but think, invent, create, I wouldn’t have to deal with folks who demand normalacy.

I’m not even aware that I’m being pushy or annoying. It’s just that often, the system I’m being presented with makes no sense to me, and doesn’t follow any rules of logic I understand. In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon once said that he had to leave his friends in his apartment because they were “Having fun wrong.”

Note that many of the original thinkers (and most are probably Asperger’s sufferers) have been known to be rude, pushy, obnoxious – Glenn Gould, Bobby Fisher, Einstein, Steve Jobs – as well as brilliant. They have either gotten others to do the work of managing the external systems, or they go off into solitude and live a monastic life. And, most of them are men, whose wives or assistants pick up the social pieces, and accept and love them because they are brilliant.

It’s so much easier to live alone. No one to hurt, or annoy. No rules to break. No faces that fall as they relate with me at a party. I get a knot in my stomach each time I think about going out to anywhere other than the movies, or the bookstore, or to meditation.

THE DEMONS I LIVE WITH THAT ARE THE NORM TO OTHERS

Of course, I have friends who love me just as I am. But I don’t live with them, and when I’m not in their company I’m fighting demons – the world of business, for me, is fraught with pain on a daily basis. I’ve devoted over 20 years to changing a paradigm in a field that didn’t want me, or didn’t want to change, or didn’t accept me with my uniqueness. Thankfully, the material was good enough to work beyond me, enough for me to have made a difference.

Of course, if I were more normal, it would have been far easier for them to accept/welcome the change. But that said, if I were more normal I wouldn’t have had the brains to have invented the concepts. And because I”ve known that my models are so important, I’ve spent years taking programs to learn to relate better – group therapy, coaching, therapy, holotropic breathwork, nlp… whatever it took to keep me going and make me capable of being ‘good enough’ to put some pretty good stuff into the business world. Folks with my level of dysfunction don’t often get as far as I’ve gotten; and I’m aware at how far there is still to go that I’m incapable of achieving.

So I’m going to quit working, and seek ways to be happy – in an accepting community, hopefully. I’m now going to take some time to figure out what is next: maybe sit on a mountain top in Peru, or move to another country.  So long as there is a spiritual element, a place to create, and joy on a daily basis, I’ll put it on the list.

For now, I’m completing my Buying Facilitation® work in the sales industry, and stopping my blog. I’ll continue working with my new IP around decision making contact sheets (because it’s fun), and be here for coaching clients. But whatever makes me unhappy will be, forever, off the list. I’ve done my work in the business community, and hopefully I”ve made a difference. Now it’s time to make a difference in my own life.

I’ll end with a quote written by John Parker that appeared in the Sunday New York Times Book Review regarding John Lennon: “Cruel at times, chaotic, dissociated: on his bad days little more, so it seems, than a gigantic human flaw through which the shifting light of genius displayed itself.”

It’s so good to know that I’m not alone.

sd

Wanting to learn more about Buying Facilitation®? Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what to do about it. Check out the site for more details.

Or consider purchasing the bundle: Dirty Little Secrets plus my last book Buying Facilitation®: the new way to sell that influences and expands decisions. In addition, you will also receive a bonus illustrated booklet.

Work, Asperger’s, Fun, and The Future is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

I believe the truth in this dictum completely, down through my bones. That belief, however is rather poignant, given my communications problems: as an Asperger’s sufferer I sometimes unwittingly communicate in ways that harm, confuse, or annoy. And knowing someone has been harmed because of my inadequecies is deeply painful.

• When asking a business friend of 5 years why we hadn’t spoken in months, he tearsely told me he stopped talking to me when I said something he found offensive and that he didn’t want to be friends with someone who would say something like that. When he added that he was not open to an apology, I was crushed, given I most likely said one of my straight-from-the-hip Aspie statements that had no intention of harming.

  I was crushed: I talked to him several times a week for a year while his wife suffered with cancer, gave  him a free training program, and helped him with his business. Didn’t that mean we were friends, and issues could be resolved? Apparently my comment must have been a doosy – so bad that it was worth ending a 5 year friendship. But this is conjecture. He never discussed it with me. He just walked away. Does that mean that I should only have friends who will discuss things? Very confusing.

• A large prospect who had scheduled a time to speak and didn’t keep or break the appointment  (disastrous to do to an Aspie given our inflexibility with schedules) ended up walking away following my 2 emails asking him where he disappeared to. I forget I’m not supposed to ask that. Goes against rules I don’t understand. In my map of the world, either keep an appointment or break it – don’t ignore it. But obviously, that thinking is in the minority. I’m supposed to sit and wait.
• A close friend got annoyed and nasty because I offered to help with something she felt perfectly capable of managing and felt put-down because of the offer. I thought I was supporting her. And after 35 years of friendship, isn’t there an understanding there? Is there nowhere I can go to have a normal conversation?
• A potential business partner hung up on me when I got onto my ‘topic’ and talked too much, even though I told him I might do that and he should interrupt as I might not have the ability once I got started. I guess I was asking too much. Good thing others find my topic interesting :)

It’s not that I don’t try. I’ve had massive amounts of therapy, coaching, group work and I’m a million times better than I was growing up. I’m able to maintain friends and clients, and a quasi normal life. But damn, I daily find myself  losing business, or saying things I didn’t realize were inappropriate.

In a recent episode of my favorite Parenthood TV show, my little buddie Max (a 12 year old with Aspergers) is being ‘mainlined’ and had his first day in normal school with normal kids. He kept shouting out the answers to everything because, well, because he knew them. The frustrated teacher said,

“MAX. You MUST raise your hand first.”
So he raised his hand and kept shouting out the answers.
“MAX. You can’t speak until I call on you. When you raise your hand you’re just teling me you have the answer.”
Max stopped and looked up quizzically:  “You didn’t say that. You just said to raise my hand.”

ASPIE’S MEAN NO HARM: THE WORLD IS JUST A LITERAL PLACE

That’s what the world is like for me. Everything is literal. You make an appointment, I plan on you keeping it unless you tell me you’re cancelling. Once you don’t keep the appointment and don’t let me know, I actually sit and wait, watching emails come through for days, trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Or when I respond in what I think is a helpful way, only to discover it’s not helpful. I get confused, and beat myself up for harming you.

It’s never an Aspie’s intent to harm. The world just looks different to us. Tell me: how can I explain to someone that I just might say the wrong thing – and I have no intent to harm…but my world is not the same world you’re living in. How can I help folks understanding that at the beginning of relationships? My long term friends love me WITH my idiosyncracies, and laugh together (There she goes again! or Boy that hurt… truthful, but ouch. or Sharon Drew! Breathe. It will be ok.).

One of my long standing clients was handing me over to another division, and I overheard the new man say to my old client: “Is she always like this?” to which he replied, “Yes. And you’ll learn to love her.”

Thankfully there are enough folks who recognize my good qualities, and find me charming. And there are plenty in business who love me for my brains and overlook my idiosyncracies. Given what I’ve read about Einstein’s personality, it’s a good thing he had brains.

But I sure hurt for those who don’t understand or forgive my idiosyncracies, or match the good against the bad, or possibly realize I wouldn’t have the brains to think so far outside of the box if it weren’t for the issues on the other end.

I really want my communication to serve, to nurture, to nourish. I keep trying, and succeed very very often indeed. I just have such sadness for those times I fail.

sd

Learn Buying Faciltiation® with Sharon Drew in a classroom setting, or through individual learning.

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

Communicating and working with Aspergers is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

The only people who seemed to get what they wanted here were the folks who used my number.

But as I look at the list of their purchases, lots of questions come up for me. These folks didn’t buy a car, or book a first class ticket to Paris. Instead they went to Wal-Mart and spent $660. And to the gas station and spent $45. And to an HEB for groceries for $225.

These seem to be working class people who somehow (no doubt not on their own) got ahold of my credit card number and used it to make ends meet. Maybe get clothes for kids for school. Or food to eat. What would they have done without the card? My liberal heart was broken, as I looked at their meager expenditures.

When I think of the bank, I know they will most probably never recover the funds. Ok, Ok, banks don’t need the money, and maybe their executives will take home a million or two less as a result of covering fraudulent charges. But there is a part of me who understands that it’s not fair they have to pick up the charges. I know it wasn’t their fault.

What is their fault, however, is the way they handled the problem. They told me they would not cancel charges that came through for the first month, but close out all new charges and send the recurring vendors, and me, a note to have it fixed for the next month.

That is not what they did, however. I had a two week stretch with many annoyed vendors with a ‘declined’ recurring charge. I had to fight with late fees at the gym, and a communications card on my laptop shut down for non-payment. I’m just hoping that my credit score doesn’t suffer as a result.

So, other than folks who stole my card to buy groceries and gas, this was a lose-lose situation. I don’t know how to stop this activity. But I do know it must be stopped somehow. And then we have to help folks get the jobs they need so they can buy their own gas without being dishonest.

sd

Get a copy of Dirty Little Secrets and understand how buyers buy – and how you can help.

Listen to Sharon Drew make prospecting/qualifying calls using Buying Facilitation®.

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

Bank fraud sucks for everyone except those who need the money is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

The horror of 9/11 was obviously an unspeakable trajedy. I’d like to use the memory and sadness we all share to add another dimension to this discussion, and possibly – with the brilliance of hindsight – move this into a spiritual discussion. Note, I do not want to make light of the trajedy of lost lives, but I would like to open the conversation for further consideration.

Let me start by saying that I’m a Buddhist. I even bring moths outside to fly away. I consider life a blessing, and absolutely cannot understand why anyone would want to harm another person, whether to kill them, maime them, or even harm them through mean behaviors or inappropriate, hurtful words.

I believe that killing others doesn’t help the world heal (And, yes, you could possibly convince me that Bin Laden needed to die.), and rarely fixes disputes.  But to me, there has been far too much unnecessary collateral damage and lost lives in the world’s history of war. So many innocent lives lost. So many refugees with kids not getting schooled and stomaches not being fed. So many husbands killed, and mothers separated from children. So many children raped or dead from starvation. So much potential lost.

When we look at the histories of any of the Superpowers (including US), history is fraught with killing. We kill for political reasons, personal reasons, human reasons. Countries have invaded other countries and cause lives to be lost, people to flee from their homes, resources to be lost rather than shared… The history of most countries includes a history of war, killing, raping, mutilating. From biblical days to the present, so much war and killing.

Rome, Nicaragua, Greece, Panama, Russia, Darfur, China… the list goes beyond boundaries and time. And no one is spared – neither the abusers or the abused, the initiators or the victims, those who die, or those who come home with lost limbs and shattered brains and lives. … more victims than we’d like.

The Sunday New York Times this week had an editorial on the price of war (The Long War’s Price in Hatred) that made the folling points:

“War diminishes everyone and all states, even the victors, and that is especially true if the war is characterized by broken promises and dashed hopes, perceptions of betrayal, and disappointment in the ally. For the people living in the theater of war, the litany of such disappointments is long.”

I’d like to bring our national tragedy beyond just us, into the global environment. Is there any way we can all stop harming each other?

Any thoughts on  how individuals, like me and you, can make a difference? How we can use this tragedy to make the world a better, safer place?

sd

To learn how to create the sort of dialogue that supports your client interactions, take a look at Dirty Little Secrets. It’s more about the collaborative communication than being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

Keeping it Real after 9/11 is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

Do you want the good news first or the bad news? I think I’ll begin with the bad news, so I can spend more time on the good.

Let’s start with my baseline ‘givens.’ I have a form of Asperger’s that was diagnosed just recently. As a result, I don’t understand conventional rules, but when they are pointed out to me,  I have a highly tuned capability to quickly learn the behavior and adopt the rule, with an 85% competence, albeit with a few quirks that apparently make me charming.

So here’s the bad news: because my responses haven’t always followed expected or socially acceptable responses, I have seemed obnoxious, pushy, narcissistic and inappropriate (I often hear things differently than the way they were intended).  I have misunderstood social cues in situations that have caused me to lose high dollar amounts (millions) of  business, not to mention losing friends and lovers, and certainly having problems in school and family (these were the days when ‘Asperger’s’ hadn’t been invented and I was just a problem child).

Now that I have been diagnosed (I was finally diagonosed at 61, although had many many years of therapy to learn how to ‘behave.’), I tell people early in conversations what to expect, and it is rarely a problem, best I can tell.

The worse news is that I spent much of my life living with a severe identity issue, thinking I was a ‘bad’ person, and ‘socially unfit’ . For decades I watched in confusion and pain as well-meaning people gave me funny looks and walked away, not understanding what I said or did to make that happen.

With lots of coaching from a specialist in the field (she even followed me at parties and whispered the words I should use as responses) I”ve more recently learned how to relate differently. And thankfully, enough people find my presense pleasing so I have as much of a social life as I would like (although like most Aspies, I tend to stay alone a lot).

The bad news sounds horrific, right? But the good news is so  dramatically wonderful to me that it makes the bad almost bearable:

1. I don’t understand the normal chain of events that conventional thinking takes, making it p0ossible to make up my own way of perceiving what’s happening or what should happen.
2. I don’t understand conventional thinking so my brain has total freedom and possibility – and I take risks that most people wouldn’t, but don’t seem like risks to me.
3. I am able to mentally persue all options, as there is no box to go out of.
4. I think in systems – people systems, relationship systems, communication systems, corporate systems, decision-making systems – and easily understand what is going on with very little data needed.
5. I have especially clear visions of what needs to get done, and I have faulty clarity in recognizing things that are attempting to stop me (hence my ‘ability’ to be persistent).
6. I see/hear/feel a very wide range of possibilities that apparently go far beyond what normal brains conceive, making it possible for me to invent, design, create new ideas, and new technology, and new programs, and and and…
7. I can figure out how to fix systems stuff (i.e. relationships, corporate problems, stuck/bad decision making, thinking, etc) very easily by pinpointing where the problem is (again, with very little data) and knowing the most appropriate fix.

So the good news is that I can invent, create, fix, support, find problem areas in moments, when others would need days/weeks/months to find them- all with a minimum of effort. In fact, I can tell there is a problem area before anyone else knows of it, and I can understand the sort of  ‘fix’ necessary. Great for consulting jobs, hell on relationships. Great for inventing new models, harder to find folks who understand the need for them.

In business, my clients love my odd capability:  I find errors before folks realize there is a problem, I am able to notice problems with normally used methods (i.e. sales, coaching, negotiating, marketing automation, etc) and quickly design new models to fix the gaps. I have developed models and technology decades before they are even thought about in the mainstream (obviously that’s a good news/bad news discussion as well), and eventually find the visionaries who have been seeking solutions.

Over all, without my curious capability, I would never have become the success I have become, or changed the world in all the ways I”ve changed it.  I would never have taken the risks I’ve taken, or been as outspoken in the important ways I have – and have started businesses, developed learning methods, starteded non-profits, written visionary books, developed new technology (I have several patents), developed new ways to train that cause core change.

I’ve personally trained over 20,000 people. I”ve personally gotten over 10,000 kids on the proper meds and hopefully able to walk again. I’ve made a difference by thinking without rules. And my ability to not understand conventional norms have made it possible for me to push the envelop enough to force change to happen.

Don’t get me wrong: next lifetime I hope I’ll be normal….. or.. maybe I don’t.

sd

Learn Buying Facilitation® as a Self Study program.

Read Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what you can do about it to really understand how buyers buy.

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

The good news/bad news about not understanding rules is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

I can add in a line that indicates you’ve Wittenberg a number of books and point back to your web site.

I was curious and excited! I’ve ‘Wittenberg a number of books’! What did that mean? I looked up Wittenberg on the web. 1. It’s a university in Ohio; 2. a town in Germany; 3 the name of an athlete.

But what did that have to do with our communication? I emailed Steve and asked. “Ooops,” he responded. His cell phone assumed the word once he wrote the ‘w’. Really? That was the only assumed word that the iPhone could come up with using the letter W?

That brings up an interesting point. Our reliance on our cell phones. They run our lives. We text, email, call, look up stuff, buy concert tickets, see who our ex’s are dating, see where our colleagues work - all from our phones.

What did we do before? Hmmm… Oh. I know. We listened to music, spoke to our friends on the landline (which used to be called a Telephone), used newspapers to look up concert dates, used our pc’s to email people, and generally not be available in the evenings and weekends.

I must admit that I go on strike over the weekend. I turn off my computer at noon every Friday, and don’t look at emails or the web or anything electronic until Monday morning. I am so buzzed, so overwhelmed by all of the technology and expectation in my life, by the expectations friends and colleagues and clients have that I’m available 24/7, that I need to chill. I have ‘decision fatigue’ by the end of each week. And if I didn’t make myself shut down, I would be a hopeless wreck the next work week.

In fact, I lay in a hammock all weekend and read and listen to music. OK, sometimes I play Angry Birds, but lately I’ve gotten so annoyed by the level I’m on and I can’t seem to get that second bloody bird under all of the rocks, that I haven’t even done that (and they won’t let me go to a different game until I do!!! bummer.)

So my complaint today is that I don’t want to know what a Wittenburg is, or an Angry Bird. I just want my life back.

sd

Read sample chapters of Dirty Little Secrets. Or buy the book.

Hear Sharon Drew make cold calls, prospecting calls, and qualifying calls, live.

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

Our reliance on phones is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

They discussed the time Dylan fans got angry when he began playing the electric guitar and wanted him to go back to the acoustic (Dudes – we didn’t have Acoustic Guitars! We had Guitars!). Along the way one of them sang, “I wanna hold your haaaaand” and the other said, “Yeah. I guess that was all you could do in those days.”

I’m here as the voice of Those Days. I will now officially represent all of us who are over that certain age we thought we’d get to and be dead, or at least wobbly. I will now take up the gauntlet for those of us who are cool, smart, beautiful, fun, sexy, fun, sexy, fun, creative, and successful. Did I mention aware, awake, alive, playful, and wise? And unwilling to put up with BS. And by golly, we know what we want and have no qualms about making our voices heard. What’s the worse that can happen?

So you younguns who think you invented music and drugs and sex and cool….. wake up. If it weren’t for us

• trying every drug we could find or invent (Dudes – do you not remember The Electric Cool Aid Acid Test, or Timothy Leary?),
• trying the different forms of music because, well, because finally we could (Elvis was initially disparaged because his music was too sexy, Frank Sinatra aside),
• creating a space for women to become CEOs or astronauts or welders or Congresswomen (Friedan, Steinem, Jong, Abzug)  and men to stay at home rearing children (have you checked your sitcoms recently?),

you wouldn’t be inventing your technology or writing your books or having such an advanced stage of arrogance that we are forced to either laugh or cry when you point your disdain our way.

America is the only country that does not recognize and revere their Old Ones, and what a waste.  CEOs are too often happy to get rid of those who have been around from the beginning, forgetting that they are the foundation, the story, of your business. Teens think we don’t understand their needs for drugs and early sex and disregard parents who are attempting to serve. New tech geeks think we can’t use computers or come up with visionary ideas. The good news is our brains are so full of life and lessons that we can not only see the forest for the trees (so to speak), but know how to cut them down with ease and not care if anyone gets annoyed by it.

So how do we all exist together for the next 30+ years as my generation ages? How do we use our joint brilliance (ours because we came up the long hard way, yours because you are our legacy) to see both sides of the equation – the male and female, old and young, stable and risky, the past and the future?

Imagine a world where all possibilities are truly in front of us.

Let’s make ‘those days’ these days. Now, how do we do that?

sd

Read sample chapters of Sharon Drew’s latest book on how decisions get made.

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

…in those days is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

Millions of women will take Step class to this music. It  has no place in an international aerobics program where people attend to get healthy. And, the Mills team – a group promoting fitness worldwide –  knew there would be a problem using the song and went ahead anyway. But more on that in a moment.

I was taking step class the other day when the song came on. As I listened I felt like someone hit me in the stomach. I ran out of the room in a panic and vomited. As a child of violence, and as a woman who suffered domestic violence, I am quite sensitive to anything publically promoting hitting and spanking women (what people do in private is private).

Thankfully, with a whole lotta therapy for a whole lotta years, I was able to not only survive and learn to trust and love again, but I eventually thrived.

There are millions of women in the world who are not so fortunate: they are either dead, disfigured, raped, limbless, or in jail. But whatever sort of violence is practiced leaves a woman with limited choices: the world becomes a very unsafe place.

CRITERIA FOR STUBBORNLY REFUSING TO CHANGE

Why would a company with a brand based on fitness and health choose to promote violence? With millions of songs in the world, there was no other music?

I contacted the Les Mills rep for Texas, Eleanor Hisey who seemed supportive at first. She sent an email directly to Jackie Mills – the granddaughter of the founder Les – and said that an offended customer wanted to speak. I dutifully emailed the whole Mills team my complaint.

Jackie contacted me and told me they had actually sent out a secondary song in case some people were offended. Excuse me? You planned for a problem because you knew there might be an issue – and went ahead with it anyway? Seriously? It wasn’t even an error?

I later discovered that on the Instructor’s training CD, Mark Nu (the Mills choreogragpher) stopped the tape just before the song and announced that there was an alternate track should some folks be offended. And with that, he smacked one of the other instructors on the butt and started up the music: there was no explanation as to why some folks might be offended. In fact, throughout our communication, they have refused to name the implications of the music.

Why would they risk their brand, their reputation, and (most importantly) the prossibility that folks would object or be hurt, for one song? Are they getting paid by the record producers to push the song? Really Dudes? Is it a money thing? Or are you just immoral?

Both Jackie and Eleanor decided to send out a note to the gyms in the Texas region and tell the instructors there was an alternate track for folks who might be offended. Here is a copy of the note Eleanor sent:

Just a reminder! on BODYSTEP #84 there is an alternate track for Track #9, Hanky Panky (Speed Step). Track #12, Nitty Gritty, provides a choice of a different song – with the same choreography.

This alternate was provided prior to publishing. Philip Mills, CEO and Owner of Les Mills International explained the companies vision as follows, “We are a good company who is trying to do good things in the world. We motivate people to exercise by using, amongst other things, popular music to accompany it. We have a song selection policy that excludes anything that discriminates on the basis of race, religion or sexuality [but obviously does not exclude violence. sdm]… we offer alternative songs, which we did here.”

Sincerely yours,

Eleanor Hisey l Director of Customer Services

[Note: My own part of Texas, headed up by Tanya McKenzie, did the right thing and removed the track from all of the gyms.]

WOMEN FEELING ABUSED MUST REQUEST CHANGE?

Why aren’t they sending out a note suggesting they not use the track at all because they were in error and that song might harm folks?

This is not a solution. That means that the offended people must have the gumption to complain…. and those who might be offended would be survivors of violence who don’t have a great history of bucking the system. So they either leave/quit the gym, or stop coming to class…. possibly after having a panic attack like I did.

Jackie Mills sent me an apology when I told her I’d write a blog. Her apology basically said she was sorry I was upset and they make sure to be sensitive to race, sexual orientation, and gender. Again, as per above, she omitted violence.

CALL TO ACTION

I ask that each of you send this note to your friends to send to their friends who work out and take Les Mills programs. Make them stop using the Madonna song, track #9 on release #84 of Step Aerobics, and switch to the alternate track (#13).

If they don’t have the morality to care about violence to women, maybe we can remind them that the world does not condone it. And maybe if it doesn’t make moral sense, it might at least take dollars and cents from their pockets. They have an international brand. Apparently, they don’t mind tarnishing it. But I’m happy to make sure it’s not so bright in the future.

Please consider letting the Mills group know of your displeasure:

info@fitmarc.com
Phillip Mills – philip.mills@lesmills.com
Bryan Orourke – bryan@fitmarc.com
Maureen O’Rourke – maureen@fitmarc.com
Jackie Mills – jackie.mills@lesmills.com
Eleanor Hisey – eleanor@fitmarc.com

sd

Les Mills: Fitness 10, Morality 0 is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

How long indeed. It took 3 full days. It wasn’t until Thursday that my sites were back up and working. Excuse me? From Monday to Thursday with 6 sites down? How many ways can this harm my business:

• Links to my sites on published articles of mine - only up only a week, so exposure greatly diminished.
• Blog posts go out to many thousands of readers – subscribers and syndications and colleagues – and not being read, and no purchases made.
• One of my sites sells my products, so I lost untold sales.
• Site visitors can’t get to the info they need for my company.
• My sites represent my brand, my business, my reputation. Nasty way for people just finding me to be introduced to my extreme professionalism… how professional can I be if all of my sites are down…. for 3 days!

Readers couldn’t read. Articles couldn’t be linked. Prospects couldn’t get data. People couldn’t listen to podcasts. Buyers couldn’t buy. I couldn’t show my patented material to business partners. I paid my webmaster for his wasted time.

My webmaster and I made several calls into the server’s customer service folks, in the Phillipines; they refused to let us speak with anyone in the technical group, all the while either denying there was a problem, or saying it was being fixed and sorry we can’t let you speak with anyone.

How much did this cost me? And did they care? No apology. No choices. No make-up month. No responsibility. No explanation. No discussion of it not happening again. Obviously, they’ve lost my business. Hopefully you’ll think twice before hiring a group that will leave you stranded for 3 days, with no one to talk to, no ability to speak with a tech person, no way to find out what is going on or when a problem might be resolved, or or or…. And then to receive these semi-literate responses from the kids at the help desk was the icing on the cake. And all the while, I’m losing business and have no way to even get my sites to another server until they are up again.

Here are a few email exchanges between me, my webmaster, and the 1&1 folks. Truly: think twice before you hire them. You can get similar service for the same or less money from many other vendors. And when you hire the web hosting company, make sure they take calls and keep you updated of problems, and have a paucity of down time.

———————

Hello Sharon Drew! I just got off the phone with 1&1 again. The tech support person I talked to did say that they know there is an issue and are currently working on it (which is more information than I had before), but could not give me any estimated time of completion.

——————

Dear Sharon Drew Morgen, (Customer ID: 8308840)

Thank you for contacting us. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience as much as we would like to help you but we do not have a direct access on the back end that why we just waited for our admins to resolved the case.
——–

Thank you for contacting us.  Actually your not just the one person who had experience the technical glitch. Every domains which is listed on the same server where your domain are being hosted had encountered the same issue. If an issue occurs in the system we sincerely apologize but neither the agents even the highest person in the technical support department has a tool to repair and resolve the issue.

——-

Thank you for contacting us. This email is an update about the server issue. We would like to inform you that the issue about your websites are now resolved. You can now access your websites. Thank you for your patience. (NOTE: IT WAS ANOTHER 24 HOURS BEFORE THE PROBLEM WAS RESOLVED) If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact us. Sincerely, Juan Ongcal Technical Support 1&1 Internet Limited

sd

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

1&1 is a horrid web hosting company is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

Here is the stream of emails I received from Russell Castronovo, Director, Global Communications.  As you can see, they truly care…. about themselves. Below, I’ve taken several email exchanges and printed just the ones I thought were most interesting: 1. the comment that this was a non-standard problem so it didn’t deserve additional customer service training for the folks (although I had said I had found the team unresponsive, etc), and that he not only refused to get the package picked up, but he ended communication when I got a bit cheeky when he insisted I just pack it all up, etc. Unfortunately I bet these exchanges are common.

——–

Sharon,

This is Russ Castronovo, I’m the director of communications here at Plantronics. My email address is russell.castronovo@plantronics.com.

I’m sorry to hear that your experience with our company wasn’t good and would like to offer our apologies. Hopefully the replacement device is working properly.

If you have any continuing issues with the product or Plantronics let me know and I’ll expedite.

Russ

————–
Russ: As I said on the original email, although 2 of your handsets didn’t work, this 3rd one is working.

The problem (for you more than me) at this point, is I’m sitting with the 2 faulty boxes to send back. I just don’t have the time to pack them up, tape them up, get them over to the post office, wait on line, etc.

I had asked the supervisor if she could fix this so I wouldn’t have to do that, and she said the box(es) contained a shipping envelope - which they do not.

And, now that there are 2 boxes, one shipping envelope won’t work.

So they sit here until someone from plantronics arranges for them to be picked up. I had originally discussed this, telling the supervisor not to expect me to get them sent off but that you’d have to make arrangements from your end.’

SD

——

Russ, if you ever want to discuss customer service, it might not be a bad idea to give your folks some training. The first guy didn’t even care what my problem was, gathered no data at all, and tried to get rid of me.

The woman who is/was helping me, did a rotten job in gathering data and doing what she promised. so now you folks have me holding 2 boxes of product with no way to get them back.

This is basically what i do for a living. So if/when you decide you’d like to actually help your folks 1. listen; 2. respond in a way that matches the interaction, so you can respond more appropriately to your customers, let me know.

Sharon,

Thanks for the offer. I’ll run it by our Customer Service head.  I talked to him earlier and got the impression that the folks were off the path in terms of our standard procedure and he was looking in to that.  If it’s a training thing, rather than an end case, I’m sure he’ll be in touch.

As for returning the product, were you sent a fed ex shipping label or a USPS label?  I’ve not gotten the details of what’s happened to date so I’m flying a little blind.

If it’s a Fed Ex label all you should have to do is put the items in any box and, attach the label and drop it off anywhere where there is a Fed Ex pickup.  I’m less clear about what the USPS processes are so if you got something that the Post Office would use then I’ll have to look into that.

—-
Russ: I will not find a box, pack it, tape it, and drive it to a fed ex center.

I am an entrepreneur. I run a business. I purchased a product. I’ve put over 2 hours into YOUR problem (that became my problem) with YOUR defective product and now you want me to spend MORE of my time? Even though I asked you all to send me a shipping envelope, or get the boxes picked up, right from the beginning?

Why don’t you come here and do that for me? All you have to do is fly here. My place is a brief taxi ride from the airport.

sd

—–

I do not understand how this phone problem ended up in my lap. I do not understand why they didn’t have a FedEx guy come pick it up. I do not understand why it became easier to let me keep the phones (I guess since they were defective it didn’t matter to them.). It certainly makes me seriously question if I would ever purchase a Plantronics product again.

Plantronics, Part 2: the definition of un-customer service is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

This time, however, I’m not happy, and am being made unhappier daily.

This time, the dial-pad came with several problems, and it refused to reset, or upload, or connect with the base. In other words, it doesn’t work.

When I first called the ‘tech hotline’ for help, and I was told immediately – with very little data offered or requested – it was broken and needed to be exchanged. I asked to speak with the supervisor (kept on hold for 10 minutes), and – to her credit – she spent a couple of days with me to try to get it working. It never did. Then she came up with the same viewp0int: the phone came to me broken.

When it became clear I’d need a new phone, I told the woman I wanted the entire process to be hassle free. As it was, I had already spent hours on the phone with several Plantronics people with a defective product, and now didn’t want to expend any more time on a problem I never asked for. Karen – the supervisor – assured me that I would be sent a handy return envelope and I could just drop the bad phone in, and send it off.

REFURBISHED PRODUCT

I was sent a replacement dial pad, with the notion of replacing the new one with the broken one and sending the broken one back.  As I started opening the box with the new new one, I noticed it said on the box: Refurb Phone.

They sent me a refurbished phone? But I paid full price for a brand new phone – otherwise I could have bought a refurbished one from Amazon for half the price.

With a bit of arm twisting – not too much – I convinced the supervisor t0 send me a brand new phone. But think about it: if I hadn’t noticed that ‘refurb’ was on the outside of the box the ‘new’ phone was sent in, I would never have known. Or it would have broken down in a month or a year.

Thankfully, Plantronics stands behind their products somewhat: I got yet another phone and I’m currently charging it. Hopefully, it will work. But – and here is another huge problem for me – neither of the new boxes included a shipping envelope. I got a shipping label that might be pre paid (not sure), but no shipping envelope. That means I must find a box to hold the 2 bad phones, then pack it, tape it, and get it to FedEx. Ain’t gonna happen.

So that means they will have to bug me for not sending everything back, until they decide to send the FedEx person directly to me with shipping supplies so s/he can pack it and wrap it. Or send me a shipping envelop/pack as they promised.

Why would a vendor have me pay for a faulty phone, send me a refurbished phone to replace the new one, and then want me to pack everything up for them and get it all back to them? Not to mention that this has all taken 3 weeks, and I need my damn phone! Asking a bit much from a customer, no?

What am I missing here?

sd

Exchanging a broken product with a refurbished one is not ok is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

Except this year the furnace began in May, and by now (mid June), we’ve had many days in the hundreds already, setting a record. And not only is it burning hot, with ‘heat advisory’ alarms daily, but the brightness of the sun is painful.

It’s difficult to want to do anything other than go to the movies, or stay home with a book. Even going outside to get into the car takes some internal dialogue.

Usually our June is pleasant at about 90, with low humidity. We’re geared up for that. But day after relentless day temperatures of over 100 so early in the year is unnerving.

The other problem is the severe drought we’re having. Almost tolerable if it weren’t for the extreme heat. My lawn is just about dead, and because I work off of a rainwater collection unit, I have to keep buying water, which stresses out the city’s supplies. I actually had to allow my pond to evaporate rather than use my small amounts of collected/purchased water to fill it up. Good thing ‘someone’ (the local heron, or my friendly racoon, or the snake that lives in the pond) came and ate the fish so at least someone got dinner. But I miss them.

My friends in NY are complaining about the excessive rain. There are more storms – hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes – than ever before. Obviously there is some sort of climate change going on. And it’s scary.

There is little I can do, as one lone person. I do my share with recycling and using the right light bulbs. But I know that’s not enough. We all must do our part, whatever that is. And our governments must get together to agree on global initiatives. I sure hope it’s not too late.

In the meantime, I sweat day and night regardless of the A/C.  And watch my grass and plants die. And, like my neighbors, complain a lot. And I sure pray that we can all do something about climate change asap.

sd

Learn Buying Facilitation® | Implement Buying Facilitation® | License Buying Facilitation®

Far, Far Too Hot is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

In fact, all of Austin is made up of idiosyncratic expressions of what others would consider normal. We are largely liberal, well-educated, healthy, fit, cultured, independent. A nice mix of small town, southern charm, and California. Lots of writers, musicians, film go-ers/makers, tech folks - creativity and innovation as would befit a city with 11 universities – one of which is the largest in-situ university in America.

Austin has always attracted the hip, cool, weird visionaries who think and live outside of the box. Our homes, office buildings, restaurants and bars, have interesting… ok, strange… looks and feels about them. And that makes us happy. Our motto is Keep Austin Weird. It’s about fanning the creative spirit, and enjoying how others express themselves while always having an audience for our own expressions.

I live downtown, near the capital, in a very large loft space that triples as an office, living space, and training space for clients. I’m near terrific, cheap restaurants, a few gentrified neighborhoods that have come up bearing the expected Austin weirdness (i.e. in the middle of a couple of old gutted houses turned into cool bars, are two Airstream restaurants serving terrific homemade Indian and Senegalese food outside in tents and picnic tables), and some dance halls.

There has been no shopping downtown. When I moved here in 2000, there weren’t even post boxes because so few folks lived downtown.  We even had an Association for those few of us living downtown.

Now we’re inundated with high rises for the young and affluent who are moving in to run tech companies. And I don’t like it one bit.  Yesterday I walked over a few blocks (6) to a new art house to see a foreign film (Incendies.. brilliant, brilliant, brilliant) and was quite shocked as I entered the ‘new neighborhood’ that has just come up as the construction we’ve lived with for years has finally departed.

What’s left is not Austin. I thought I was in LA. The big/rich city feel was all around. High end shops. Women with enhanced bodies, lots of makeup. Young folks with expensive clothes and jewelry (on a Sunday??? In Austin??? No one even owns a suit here!). Several blocks of stores that look like LA – with the fancy lighting and prices. I’m used to walking into a store that has old wood on the floor, and great local music blaring, not with glass shelves filled with expensive candles and towels that cost $250 each.

‘So close, and yet so far out.’ is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

It took 45 years between the invention of the telephone and its regular use. Imagine choosing  Morse Code instead of the telephone.

Bill Gates did not understand the power of the web, and it took 10 years before Microsoft got involved.

What is the thread here? People don’t like change, regardless of whether or not it will be in their best interests. And the time it takes for folks to know how to change in a way that contains the disruption is the length of the change cycle.

That said, I’m exhausted trying to help the sales field change.

As the creator of a new idea, I’ve spent 23 years of my life, attempting to get it accepted. My goal has always been to offer the world a way to serve by helping each other discover their own answers. I’ve started with the field of sales (‘why sales’  is a different conversation): through Buying Facilitation® I’m able to give sellers a new tool kit (based on change management)  to help buyers manage their buying  path easily and with a minimum of disruption.

We have consistently gotten approximately 800% increase over using conventional sales alone. And yet I still have to fight the entire field, daily: they just adore doing it their way. They even get paid well for merely closing 7%!

NOTES FROM THE FIELD

Today I got a lovely note from a man who had recently read Dirty Little Secrets. He explained how he tried to get folks to read the book, gave his senior folks some of my blog posts, and still couldn’t get them to even consider having the team read the book, let alone learn the material.

This is beyond frustrating. I have been spouting this brilliance for decades. And I’ve developed myriad ways for folks to learn or use the material. I’m getting to the point where it seems pointless.

The Book: Dirty Little Secrets, more than any of my other books, finally and conclusively, explains the differences between how buyers buy and how the sales model sells, and explains all that must happen in a buying decision that sales is not addressing.

The Model: Buying Facilitation® doesn’t compete with sales. It’s an add on that truly, truly, helps buyers manage their buying decisions. It teaches them how to make their own best decisions, bring together all of the right people at the right time, how to choose their best solutions (with their own criteria), and get everyone on board quickly and effortlessly. Everyone knows the sales model merely manages the solution placement end, and doesn’t address the off-line decision path. Why are folks not eager to learn?

A patent: I’ve recently developed a lead gen capability to truly follow buyers as they navigate down their decision path. And I’m having to search vigorously for folks to trial it. Really? Their current capability offers nothing but guesswork and less than 1% closing rates.

And I’m fighting with folks daily. Really?? For decades? With glorious testimonials, referrals, references, speaking engagements, webinars, articles, books, patents…. And we are still fighting?

I don’t have enough years left, or patience, or guts. It hurts daily. I just wish it were easier. I wish I didn’t have to struggle. I know I complain about this frequently. It’s so fabulous to know there is a place I can complain and get heard by someone other than my poor friends. Thanks for hearing.

sd

Read the book: Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what to do about it.

3-Day Public Training in Austin  June 14-16 Syllabus | Registration

My constant struggle to influence change is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

• the number of paparazzi that continually follow my every move as I slave at my computer all day;
• the millions in my bank account – although obviously, someone at the bank has a digit or two wrong, because by virtue of years/hours worked, I should have millions;
• The Donald has me on speed dial but often forgets to push the button;
• I was to be the first Senior Millionaire on How to Marry a Millionaire but the deal fell through when I wouldn’t marry anyone over 55;
• my facial expressions, personality, and overall Diva-ness are far superior to the ice queens – Marlene, Gretta, Loretta, Madonna, or Lady G – and certainly any women who think they rule the sales field (my friends Anne and Jill aside);
• I’m at least as enlightened as Shirley McClaine, with better legs - at least as good a dancer when I can get away from the computer for an evening to go dancing.

So here are my questions. Given my obvious and extreme Diva-ness,

• Why isn’t the right person showing up and helping me create the Institute for Facilitation, so I can teach decision facilitation, learning facilitation, buying facilitation, coaching facilitation, and relationship facilitation to all who want to serve others? My dream is to use decision facilitation to help coaches, families, couples, parents, teachers, doctors, etc.
• Where is the husband? Doesn’t he realize that by showing up he gets the most warm and generous, kind and fun (and demanding, as all Divas are)  Diva in, well, Forever? Come on, Dude. I’m easy to spot: the one with the eyes, sitting at the computer.
• Where’s my Bill Gates to buy my brilliant navigation patents that would seriously help his Bing.com group? Or the marketing automation folks to buy out my new contact sheet that really follows the buyer’s decision path from the beginning?
• Where’s my cable TV show – The Church of Sharon Drew? With my attitude and wisdom, I could match Susie with her money, Martha with her kitchen, and Arianna with her blog.
• Where are my minions to do shit for me? My shopping, my cooking, my cleaning? It’s so tiring to think of all of this when I work 16 hours a day.
• The entourage to fight off the paparazzi while worshiping and adoring me? Someone has to show up to worship and adore, for god’s sake.

And if you’re a regular reader of my stuff, and it has made a difference to your life, buy something from me and give it to your boss as a gift. Then you can fulfill one of my other dreams – to help the entire world of sellers use Buying Facilitation® as one aspect of their  sales training programs so they can truly, truly serve their customers while making a lot more money.

Do I really need to be a diva to change the world? Does my material really need to be exactly the same as sales to be accepted (but then it wouldn’t be needed, would it?) ?  Or can I just have solid material that makes a difference?

sd

• Read sample chapters of my two last books – Dirty Little Secrets and Buying Facilitation®: the new way to sell. Then buy them both
• Learning Accelerators
• Buy the MP3′s of Sharon Drew making live phone prospecting and qualifying calls.

3-Day Public Training in Austin  June 14-16 Syllabus | Registration

I’m a Diva is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com