Austin is a busy, fun town. It’s made up of many smaller towns – each filled with its own unique group of passionistas: film town, music town, technology town, hippy town, liberal-political town, foodie/wine town, writer’s town, gay town, innovator’s town.

People know each other in each of these towns. When I go to a concert, I’m assured of running into dozens of musicians and fans that I know from years of dancing and concert-going. When I attend an Austin Film Society event, I run into filmmakers and passionate film goers that I know from 10 years of attending film events and one or two of the 11 Film Festivals, not to mention seeing over 200 annual movies in theaters (I’ve never seen a DVD).

As an innovator, dancer, author, film-crazy-person, and political activist, I know a lot of people here. And whether with my crazy musician friends or my gentle dance friends or my passionate, smart film friends, I could be busy busy busy attending the myriads of things going on here. In fact, my ‘joke’ is that I have to tie myself to a chair to stay home.

Here is a tiny fraction of weekend goings-on from our free, huge newspaper (The Austin Chronicle) devoted to events:

• Music: Dwight Yokum, Neil Young (NEIL YOUNG), hip hop musicians teaching youngers how to rap and design artistic graffiti (plus 100 live music venues a night playing the best blues in the world).
• Parades: Gay Pride Celebrations (4 days of bands, dances, movies/documentaries).
• Movies: Retro Film Festival (a Hitchcock double feature on Sunday); Documentary Festival
• Architecture: The Green House Tour; Architecture Association annual Sand Castle Competition
• Food: Knives Out – 12 chefs and 2 celebrity judges compete
• Sports: Kayak race on lake
• Fund raising: Charitybash to raise funds for low-income folks needing affordable housing
• Dance: 3 day Belly Dance convention (last month I was the single non-burlesque dancer attending a Boa and Pasty workshop at the Strip Tease convention); Little Lounge Lizards dance for under-10s
• Gardens: how to design gardens to attract birds and butterflies.
• Politics: trade in guns for money (Note: there were so many guns relinquished that the city ran out of reimbursement money)
• Think Tank: discussion about immigration; radical theory/radical change discussion group.
• Hiking: celebrate national hiking day by hiking our hundreds of miles of hike/bike trails.
• Computers for the disabled to learn how to use technology
• First Sunday Yoga: all yoga centers around town open for free
• Museums: Matisse prints, Impressionists, and Anatomy of a Body
• Technology/For Kids-By Kids: kids teaching kids how to play instruments, figure skate, and work online with digital media
• Theater: ongoing musicals, original plays, classics (Lysistrata); Black Arts Performing Arts Festival

OK? If there are not 3 things here you can choose to do in this wide array of stuff, you need to get a life.

That leads me to my malaise. I had a list of about 20 things to choose from. And what did I do? I laid in my hammock (gorgeous, handmade double hammock that I brought back from Nicaragua), by my pond, under the shade of my fig tree, next to the jasmine, and I read a fascinating book called The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr. As I was lying there, gently swaying, and taking notes on where my mind was going with new ideas, I realized that I was indeed, rocking alone.

I’m single, and at some point, dating would be a good thing to do. I know that intellectually; I never planned on being single as long as I have (don’t ask how many years since my divorce) although my single-ness (once my son was grown) has allowed me an unrestricted set of life choices that I happily, greedily indulged in. In fact, I love my life as it is, and I know that I’ll make the necessary changes to accommodate a Partner (the Right partner, of course, and at this age I have no need to settle). I will be happy to do that. But to find a mate, I have to get out of my hammock.

I have a grown son. I have written books, lived around the world, run businesses, played with international friends, trekked through  jungles, started up a successful not-for-profit, and had many, many loving relationships. My ‘drive’ to find a partner is not the same as it was when I was younger. I no longer need a man to make a family, or provide income, or make a home. And I am certainly cranky enough to demand an emotionally present, spiritual partner who knows how to communicate honestly.

But To find that person, I’d have to not read great books, or work as many hours as I work, or see as many movies as I see: I don’t seem to have the time to do everything. So I keep hoping that the Greater Good will send me just the right person at just the right time, and in the meantime I can have malaise – and it will all fall into place around me as I rock and read.

But of course, that might not be true. Maybe I’m supposed to work and read and go to movies less, go to all of the fun stuff, and ‘find’ the men. Or be in a place they can ‘find’ me. Maybe. I haven’t figured out the answer yet. When I do, I’ll let you know. But in the meantime, just note that I’m cranky cuz the right man hasn’t appeared, and that I might - if I decide it’s more important to have a partner than to maintain my comfortable status quo -  have to get out of my hammock and do something pro-active to make that happen. Sucks. I’m still hoping that the Greater Good will take care of it for me. Or maybe she already has :)

sd

Malaise and the Single Woman is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com

On the sales end of the equation, you NEED to understand the prospect’s situation to make sure you are placing the appropriate solution in the right place. This same data will give you ability to fine-tune your presentation and pitch to ensure the buyer understand how your solution will fit in their environment. You also need to understand the buyer’s vision, and criteria for Excellence.

There is no way to truly understand anything else.

I know I”m bucking up against some resistance here, but hear me out. You will never understand the private, idiosyncratic issues going on within the buyer’s environment. You might ask questions about these things, hoping you’ll glean enough data to help you target your pitch. But if that worked, you would have closed a lot more sales. And, an outsider can never understand what is really going on inside of anyone else’s situation. There are relationship issues, company politics, history, working relationships, ego issues, rules, vendor issues, partner issues. An outsider can never ‘grok’ the import, the nuance, the residual feelings, the unconscious biases, that go on between people…especially people you don’t know and in groups you aren’t a part of.

I’ve been writing and speaking about the off-line decision issues for decades. This last year, folks are beginning to talk about them and start using the terms I’ve been using all along. Yesterday I got a cold call from a local vendor who actually had something I might be able to use. As the call was ending, I said I didn’t have the bandwidth to think about it now (book launch took over my time) but I’d take his number and call him when I was ready. He then said to me: “Can you please tell me when you’re going to make a decision?” I smiled, knowing he was probably told by a manager to start ‘finding out’ about people’s decision making (and knowing that my work had finally come into the mainstream of sales thinking) and didn’t have a clue what it meant or how to go about it.

Here is the rest of my conversation with the sales guy:

SDM: What will ‘knowing when I’m deciding’ give you?

Rep: What? I just need to know.

SDM: Why?

Rep: If you’re not going to be deciding within a month, I’ll call you back. Would a better question have been: Can I put you down for an order in a month?

This is a real conversation. Did the seller need to know when I was deciding? What would he have done with that data? What did he expect that question would do…make me commit? He never managed my issues: What did I need to know? How was I going to choose to buy?

Imagine if our new jobs as sellers include helping buyers understand how they will line up their internal, off-line decision issues – the people that need to be involved, the historic issues that must be resolved, the buy-in that must be encouraged - that need to take place so they are free to choose a solution. Not the issues involved with a purchasing decision, necessarily. Often, the internal issues have absolutely nothing to do with the buyer’s need, yet they must be handled.

Here is a simple way to look at the new skills I’m suggesting: in the first stages of the buyer’s decision making – you know, that behind-the-scenes part that we are not privvy to  - buyers are unfamiliar with the steps they need to take as they lurch toward solving a problem. If you could take the part of a GPS system and just offer coordinates for choice, the buyer (driving the car that the GPS system is not involved with) would easily find where they were going (they must drive alone, and watch the scenery that you can’t see) and you could be there at the end with the solution.

We can’t understand the exact specs of a solution until the buyer has traversed the journey. Knowing ‘how they buy’ or ‘how they decide’ won’t help the buyer choose you. Add Decision Facilitation to your sales skills. It will make your job easier to not have to understand so much at the front end, and save it for the back end when the buyer really can hear about, and use, your solution.

sd

Check out my new book: Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what to do about it. Read two free chapters, testimonials, and much more. Then buy the book.

Or consider purchasing the bundle: Dirty Little Secrets plus my last book Buying Facilitation®: the new way to sell that influences and expands decisions. These books were written to be read together, as they offer the full complement of concepts to help you learn and understand Buying Facilitation® - the new skill set that gives you the ability to lead buyers through their buying decisions.

What do Sellers Need to Understand – and When? is a post from: SharonDrewMorgen.com