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I need to be the Buddha more often

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

As a Buddhist, I know how I’m supposed to Be: let things go, trust that all is well just as it is, stay present, don’t blame, and know that everyone is doing their best.

Right. But I can’t always achieve that state of non-judgment, allowing, and forgiveness. Editors who delete all the wrong parts; staff making far too many errors that I have to spend precious time correcting; crazy, abusive people I have to spend a small fortune suing to get them to do the right thing; colleagues who change times at the last moment; vendors who get things out too late. Even my long-standing hairdresser left the salon! Everything around me seems to be going wrong.

Somehow I seem to be in the middle of mayhem. I know, I know. I’m supposed to laugh and not attach meaning (any meaning is what I attach to it), let it go, and realize it’s just the play of life and has nothing to do with me.

I think I’m a rotten Buddhist. Oh, I can get it right occasionally – especially when it’s calmer, or when just one or two things go wrong. But frankly, when the mayhem is this pervasive, I just want to have a tantrum, kill everyone, and take all stress out of my life – make my life easier. Just for an hour. No, forever.

Sometimes I dream of sitting in the market in my favorite village in Peru, or in an ashram in India, or on top of a glacier in Alaska. Ah. Quiet. Calm. No stress. No craziness. I can be the Buddha.

I think I’d make a great Buddha. I’m just a lousy Buddhist.

sd

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